TIPS FOR GRADUATES IN THE OBAMA ECONOMY

So you just spent four...or more... years earning a degree in higher education so that you can go out and seek your fortune.  But the fact is that in this Obama economy, your dreams of starting your own business or pursuing a career may have to be put on hold. But you can't just sit around and mooch off your parents. And you certainly don't want to sit around and mooch off the taxpayers. So here to help you get started I am going to give you some tips for your first job after graduation. I hope they serve you well:

1. Greet the customer within 30 seconds of being seated.
2. Dark clothes, black napkin. I hate having white lint all over my clothes.
3. Don't constantly refill somebody's ice tea. They have it sweetened JUST the way they wanted it, and every time you add more to the glass I have to sit there for 5 minutes just to get it back to the way I want it again.
4. Make sure the table always has enough butter.
5. Handle the check BEFORE you clear the table. "May I have the check please?" sounds and looks a lot different that "May you please clear the table?" After I remove my ass from your restaurant, THEN you can clear the table.
6. (The final hint) Don't disappear once the meal is finished.

Now if this is not your first job after you graduate into the Obama economy, maybe some of these tips will also be useful:

1. Get one of those green Christmas tree air fresheners for your cab.
2. Get a map or a GPS so you can get your fare to their destination easily.
3. Try to keep the windows clean.
4. Clean the spit and vomit from your cab as soon as possible.

And finally ... if all else fails... practice this line over and over and you will be ready for your new career in the Obama Economy:

"Would you like French Fries with that?"

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